Sunday, April 23, 2017

Use Alarm.

"Lama tak update blog ?"

"I've nothing good to write."

"Hmmm.."


"I think I might just quit la. Lulz. Dah lama dah terfikir camni senanya. 
Tapi sedar tak sedar I found myself returning there (blog) occasionally."


"Maksudnya masih ada rasa attachment lah tu.
So kenapa nak quit ?"


"Haha. Tahlah. Kalau tulis tu pun mood fikir negative je,
buatpe en ? I'm not bringing any good to anyone."

"Okaaayy. So aku nak tanya. 
What made you think 'to quit writing' will make you better ?"


"Whut ? Haha. Aku takde kata pun quit writing will make me better."

"Then I'd tell you, takpayah nak quit sangat la.
From the beginning, you were here for yourself kan ?
Sebab writing and expressing things out make you understand yourself and this life better."


"Bukannya quit yang officially apa pun. Aku rasa macam dah malas je."


"That's it. Don't declare it as quitting. 
Just pause, and start again whenever you feel like it.
Do it for you, and for Allah.
We just never know how many hearts you could've knocked through your mere monologue."


"...You gave me something to ponder about. Thankyou."


--------------------------------------------

"    Kalau takut terlupa, set lah 'alarm'.   "


Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

It suddenly came back to me— what happened that made me felt somewhat disappointed in Mato, a blogger I've always adored. I can''t explain which part that I liked, but I really liked his writings. But there was one season, he's changing. Things he wrote don't anymore feels the same. Macam hilang aura, makin lama makin ber'vibe' gloomy. Paling terasa, entry pasal futurnya Chad after the death of Qiden. Aku taktau lah, Mato kata watak-watak itu bukan dia. Tapi aku rasa semangat Mato hilang, sama macam semangat Chad hilang lepas Qiden dah tak ada.

Sorry, kalau korang bukan reader tegar Budak Tomato, korang mungkin tak faham.
But I swear, Chad's Story feels alive.

To cut short, not long after that Mato delete semua entries dia. Blog dia private. Tapi sekarang dah available balik. I believe he needed some space for himself, we all experience that at least once in life. And then I found his Ask.fm, then his Twitter, and then his first book was published— Esc.

Tapi aura dia dah lain, or maybe aku yang dah tak rasa. So I can say I lost my Idol.
Idol ? Lol. Entahlah, bukan idol, tapi aku taktau nak classify apa.


But I was slightly disappointed. I don't blame him, tho.
He can live his life in any way he wants to.

Tapi sebab teringat semua ni lah, I'm here.
Sebab I don't wanna disappoint anyone—
Or myself.


--------------------------------------------


I like my life. I like myself. I like what I have.
I like what I'm doing. I like with whom I'm with.
I like everything I have and everything I missed. 

But maybe I didn't love it enough to value what should've been valued.
*

Oh yeah, Kakak dah jadi Puan. Real puan. 😂
*

Ramadhan is around the corner.
Second Ramadhan in UPSI. 
I hope I'll shed less worthless tears,
and be in my best state to make this Ramadhan far better than I had last year.


Allahul Hafiz. 
May the best be with you, always.










Monday, February 13, 2017

-Monologue-

Allah tu tak pernah jauh;
Tak pernah tak ada.

Buktinya segala daya yang kau masih ada ni adalah dari Dia.

Allah tu kan lagi dekat dari urat leher kita. Lupa ke ?

Jangan lupa--,
Nikmat dan musibat tu kedua-duanya adalah ujian.
Maka tolonglah jangan gagal.

Allah ada. Allah ada. Allah ada.
Tenangkan diri dan rasai kewujudan Dia bersama kita.

And if you have Allah,
You have everything.

What else could you need ?

"Innallaha ma'assobireen."
Sesungguhnya Allah bersama-sama orang-orang yang sabar.


Ada ke yang lebih baik daripada Allah ada dengan kau ?

Jangan futur, Mayna.
Muhasabah balik.
Kalau kau sungguh nak jadi baik,
Mana mungkin Allah pandang kau jelik.

Allah yang mudahkan urusan.
Balik pada Allah.